Sing out, Louise!

"Silence, I KEEL you!"...no, I am not watching Ahmed the Terrorist. These were words which came from my vocal coach's talking bird (she once told me what kind it was...heck if I remember), right in the middle of a warm-up no less! Now lately it's been difficult enough for me to get into the spirit of things musically without a talking bird telling me to shut up. My vocal coach explains that he is just showing off his newly acquired vocabulary. Of course, now I'm laughing because the bird won't shut up. I find it quite ironic that a bird is basically telling me to zip it in the middle of a vocal lesson. Seriously, it's hysterical!

"Okay, come on now. Concentrate!", she says...my teacher, not the bird.

I'll admit I've been purposely slacking at my lessons lately and my attitude has been pretty (for lack of a better word) sucky. Why? Well...I just haven't felt like it. I haven't felt like giving it "my all"....I figure I'll leave that up to Mariah Carey.

Warm up continues...and stops as she pulls out the dreaded mirror which I immediately greet with dramatic raspberries. The mirror is "punishment" and I hate it with a passion because now my crappy attitude is staring me in the face.

"Alright now watch what you're doing, open your mouth wider, sing OUT!", she says.

"I don't want to", I say stubbornly. Which of course is such an eloquent form of expression for a 29 year-old. Of course, my music teacher ain't buyin' it and she gives me a look that says without words..you're too old for this nonsense.

But the truth is, I really just didn't want to...at the time. She reminds me, "This is the only way you can see what you're doing wrong, so you can correct it". I agree reluctantly. I can be damn stubborn when I want to be and have any number of close friends who will tell you the same! What can I say?

So, we continue our lesson with my half-hearted attempts, until she stops again, takes her glasses off and stares at me intently.

"la, la, la, la, l-...what?", I'd been singing the scale until I realized she wasn't playing the piano anymore, but preparing no doubt to give me a good-natured lecture.

"Do you realize you're sabotaging yourself?", she asks. "You have this amazing gift and you're really holding back. Why are you so afraid of your own voice? I know what you're capable of, but you get in your own way. Do you realize how far you could go, if you would just get out of your own way? Because YOU are the only one standing in your way."

...wow. That was the most valuable verbal kick in the ass I've had in a long time. Why do I do that?! Why do I purposely set myself up to fail? And I could say I don't realize when I do that, but I'd be lying. So, what is it that makes me feel like I need to sabotage something I once would have given my left elbow for? And I'm sure I'm not the only one. What is it that makes us abandon our talents, dreams, and aspirations?

It's simple. So, simple that it only requires one word...life. Life gets in the way. Things happen all around you everyday that cause your spirit to sag. Maybe you've lost your security or a love. Maybe someone has treated you cruely. Maybe no matter how hard you have tried to make that airplane fly, the wings fall off and the fuselage comes crashing to the ground. Maybe little negative comments here and there have slowly creeped into your soul and you start to believe them. Of course, this doesn't all happen at once and you may not even realize what is happening, but over time, these are all ingredients which lead to heart-smothering cocktail; shaken, not stirred. That once inpenetrable wall so strong and defiant against all odds, now crumbles in effect to the proverbial "acid-rain" which falls steadily over time.

And yet, that's no crutch to lean on, we still stand in our own ways. Even with the knowledge of how you have gotten to your own personal point at which you have now found yourself, it is your responsibility to go above and beyond your circumstances. It is a rare occurence where someone else comes along and turns your own gift into fruition with little to no effort on your part. You've got to take responsibility for yourself. You can't let "life" stop you from living out your potential.

What would you do if you knew you could not fail? Try out for that major league team? Move to a new city? Take that dream job? Start a business you've been dreaming of? Step into a new "right" relationship? But the key is you've got to use what you know you were given for that distinct purpose. Not your friend's purpose or your neighbor's or your co-worker's. You've got to dig deep inside of yourself and find whatever it is that your own personal "no-fail" may be and you cannot let the details of meaningless life circumstances stop you. You've got to own it!

"You are the only one standing in your way"...those were the greatest words my vocal coach has ever given me. Like my own personal "mirror" into my subconscious. So, now I have that responsibility to take ownership and use that knowledge wisely. You can take those broken things which were meant for destruction and turn them around, let them build character, and use them for a greater purpose. We cannot let the enemy take from us what God has ordained for us! Even when voices all around are giving their own version of, "Silence! I KEEL you!".

So, go! Stand up tall, live life the way you were meant to live it, and sing OUT!