So, I've been on sort of a "writer's hiatus", so to speak. As I grow in my faith and within myself, God continues to amaze me. I think, at this point, it is safe to say that I will not have a "normal" life, lol. I love that God has given me the freedom in my life to go and explore not only the world beyond, but who I am as well...or should I say, who He has made me to be. And while I still search for her, I grow closer and closer to the truth everyday.
An acquantance of mine once told me I have a rebellious spirit...and while that may be true, I think "stubborn" is more appropriate. I'm stubborn in that I don't always want to take the time to listen to what God has to say. It's more like, "Ok, God, I'll listen, but I have to leave in a half an hour. Oh, wait, if I'm leaving in a half an hour, I need to get ready now. Ok, I guess I'll just listen while I wash my face." ..and etc., etc. Not out of pride, but rather fear. Fear that if I don't fix this situation, it will get worse or fear that if I must take control over my life before it spins out of control. And so this went on until God decided to take away everything in my life that could cause a distraction...namely, my job, lol.
And so, I've spent this past spring and summer searching for what lays ahead, be it employment, a relationship, a move, etc. I went on countless interviews only to find that either the person who was leaving which made the position available had decided to stay in that position, or the company ended up hiring from within, or the position became unavailable due lack of company revenue to finanace the position, etc. So, of course, if you're human, you think, "ok, what the heck is going on here? Am I missing something here?". Little did I know, God was saying, "No, not this. I have something better for you." And so I went off the beaten path and tried something new, never expecting it to work out, almost doing everything I could to make sure it didn't work out...and you know what? Not only did it work out, it fell right into my lap! To quote one of my favorite pastors, 'Jesus is sneaky like that!'!
The worker in me saw 6 months worth of "missed" opportunities and paychecks. God saw 6 months worth of spiritual bonding and preparation for what lies ahead. I am about to embark on what I'm sure will be a life-changing, pivotal point in my Walk. As I prepare to travel to Haiti with 11 other members of my church, I can feel a change coming. I feel the start of a new chapter where the "I want's" fade away and the "God, what will you have's?" become increasingly prominent. And so on that day, I will close my eyes, hold out my hand, open my heart and say, "God I am ready!"...only this time I will mean it! I don't know what lies ahead, but this I know for certain, God is going to MOVE.